All a man needs out of life is a place to sit ‘n’ spit in the fire.

Laura’s Priorities

Laura had a meeting with a client this morning. I stayed at home to look after the kids. Since she was going to be out anyway, I asked her to pick up some things at the store.

"I need some Splenda. We need eggs, the boys need bananas – oh and we need lunch meat. Don’t forget we’re out of toilet paper too." The toilet paper was, of course, mostly required by my dear wife. Heaven knows why you people of the feminine persuasion consume so much of the stuff. Baffles the mind. I sometimes ponder aloud about a post-apocalyptic future without toilet paper, napkins, or paper towels. I watch her face drain of blood. Frankly, I think modern civilization owes its bounty to woman and disposable paper cleaning products. At least that’s what I say publicly. Privately I mock you.

But I digress.

"Okay," and off she went to her little meeting.

Around lunch my beloved returned to her brood, shopping complete. Splenda? Check. Eggs? Check. Bananas, lunch meat? Check and check.

"Hon, where’s the toilet paper?"

"Oh, I knew I forgot something. I was thinking that I had to get your Splenda, the boys bananas, and lunch meat. Sigh."

"How come you didn’t call me when you were in the store. I should have made a list. I’m sorry you forgot your thing, my dear. Isn’t that just ironic or something. You love your family so much that you’ve forgotten the ONE thing you needed."

"Yeah, I was thinking about what everyone else needed, I forgot the toilet paper."

"Funny but sad. I’ll make it up to you, I promise."

Fist raised to the heavens: As God is my witness you shall never go without toilet paper again!


  1. Laura

    You’d think I am the only one using toilet paper at home… a scary thought :). I will not rest easily until I publicly clarify this point. We all use toilet paper.

    I simply was the one to raise the issue that we needed more. The rest of the tale is true… I did remember what Jim suggested, but forgot what I had originally noted.

    Is it self-abnegation- as mothers are usually portrayed- or merely absent-mindedness? Knowing that we all use toilet paper… I propose the actual fault memory related and not so much heroic disregard for self.

  2. Jim

    I’m going to go with heroic. You’re my hero, Laura!

  3. Sigg3

    Toilet paper is one thing. What baffles me is all that cotton. You find bags of cotton everywhere!
    I have come to the realization that they eat it.

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