El Gringoqueño

All a man needs out of life is a place to sit ‘n’ spit in the fire.

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History Channel Explanations

I was watching the History Channel yesterday, you know, the channel with nothing actually historic, only speculative.  Haha, it used to be the channel about stuff that happened during the years 1938 through 1945.  Now it’s the channel about stuff that might have happened.  Some shows (After Humans), are about stuff that could happen someday.  Is it the Speculative Future Channel?  Maybe they are turning into the vacancy left by the SyFy *snicker* Channel.

But I digress.

So I was watching this show about the ancient pyramids, ruins in Peru (Machu Picchu, etc), and manna in the Bible, all these mysterious and wondrous artifacts (except manna), and how they were all achieved by alien tech.  Yeah, that’s right, aliens gave us advanced technology to play with thousands of years ago.  I don’t make this stuff up, that’s what the history channel was saying.  It’s a fun speculative show and everybody’s all deep and mysterious.

“These tolerances are impossible, even with modern technology.”

“If someone came to me and said I wanted a stone cut like that, I wouldn’t do it for any price.”

Ooo, spooky.

And it goes on, one breathless expert after another speaking at length about how such feats, difficult to achieve today, would have been impossible thousands of years ago – unless they had help.  Help from aliens.

Yeah, that makes sense, I think.  Just because something seems impossible or difficult you’ve got to pull out the aliens card.  I’m more a fan of Occam’s Razor.  There’s a simpler explanation, one that actually has plenty of evidence in existence today.

It goes a little something like this:  Engineers are not particularly good at documentation.  You can actually stop reading here, because that’s it.

Even in our time, clever engineers fail to document stuff that has to be rediscovered as little as ten years later.  Engineers are so enamored of their works, so convinced at their own brilliance of cleverness, that the construction or solutions are believed to be, by them, self evident.  How could you not know what it does, it’s so simple, they say. There’s an old gripe about how clever programmers always think their solutions are self documenting because they are so elegant and perfect.   The pyramids?  Whatever their purpose, I’m sure engineers of the era couldn’t possibly conceive of someone NOT KNOWING what they do.  It’s obvious.  It’s always obvious to someone, except when that someone has been dead for 4500 years.

Without fail we must rediscover these “simple” solutions over and over again.  Remember, concrete?  The ancient Romans used it all over the place, but its secret was lost for 13 centuries until 1756. “Bah, write it down!?  You must be an idiot.  It’s so simple.  No way is anybody going to forget this.  Oh, shit, the Visigoths!  They weren’t covered in our disaster recovery plan.”

I suppose there’s also the problem that people just don’t have a multi-generation mindset when it comes to passing information forward.  We might think of our kids, but beyond that, it’s all a hazy blur of “somebody else’s problem.”

And bam! You forget how to make concrete.

So, it wasn’t the aliens that gave us awesomely advanced technology to make mind bogglingly beautiful and intricate structures.  We just forgot to write it down and back it up.  “That’s the next contractor’s problem,” they said.

Single Ladies

We watched “Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Squeakquel” the other night.  In the interest of not saying anything negative about the movie, I give you this:  my three year-old loved it.  Loved it!  I think it’s his favorite movie so far.  He got all excited and was dancing around as the girl chipmunks were singing, “Single Ladies.”

“Hey, Asier, are you a single lady?” I asked chuckling.

And as if sensing my humor and the incongruity of a three year-old boy being a “single lady,” he quickly responded, “No Daddy, I Batman.”

And he kept dancing.

We have Achieved a Successful Targeted Evacuation

Asier Enrique O’Malley Gorbea has achieved a milestone of impressive proportions.  For the first time and perhaps the last first time in this family, we have achieved targeted evacuation.  Long has been the road to this operation and as diaper operations quickly come to a close, we breathe a sigh of relief at this most fortuitous success.  To what do we owe this completion?  Bribery?  Threats?  Time?  Patience?  Maturity?  I have asked myself the same question.  Did he actually understand the process?  What is his motivation?

“Asier, you can’t go to a playdate with Javier and his friend until you go caca in the toilet.  You have to show us you are a big boy,” Laura informed him today.

Upon arrival home, he dutifully called out a caca alert and made it so.

“Ah, so he gets it,” I said, “He understands the process; he just needs the proper motivation.”

The Student Has Become the Master

“Hey, Jaimito, do you want to race in the park today?  I’ll kick your butt.”  You gotta talk smack with the little boys lest they get too uppity.  “Think you can beat me, Jaimito?”

It’s been fun racing with the kids in park.  It’s amazing how fun something as a simple foot race can be.  It’s invigorating, healthy, and makes me feel like a little kid again.  It’s beautiful to experience the sublime pleasure of racing toward the branches of a leafy tree in the distance.  Jaimito is fast though.  The first time we raced, I actually had to try to beat him.  Yikes, this little eight-year-old is going to be kicking me to the curb before too long.  I need to lose a few pounds if I am to have any hope.  We have since made running in the park part of our ritual.  I’ve gotten steadily faster, I’m happy to say, as I’ve lost a few pounds and my legs have gotten stronger and more accustomed to sprinting.

Jaimito responded to my gentle taunt, “Yeah, Daddy, you probably will win.”

“Ohhhh! Jaimito, that’s no attitude.  You have to believe you can win.  If you give up before you start, you will surely lose.”  He was quiet, so I continued. “Don’t you want to win?”

“Meh,” he responded with a shrug.

“Oh come on, Jaimito, you’re just worried that you’re going to lose and don’t want to pretend you care.  I see through you.  Don’t you want to win?”

Jaimito thought for a second and responded “No, it’s not that, Daddy.  I just like to run.”

Fortieth Birthday Bike Trip Part #1

So I turned 40 in January, the big Four-Oh. I don’t know why, but forty looms like some big scary milestone. I’ve tried to put it out of my mind. Look, it’s just arbitrary; 40 doesn’t mean the same thing it used to. We are younger, fitter, and more vigorous, so Laura and I have decided that forty is fuerte.  I like that and to celebrate I didn’t really want a big bash; I just wanted to ride my bike around Puerto Rico.

So off I went in an attempt to do 320 miles in four days.

Here I am departing from our little house in Guaynabo on my 20 year old Casati Bicycle. It’s old, yes, vintage perhaps, but it’s only been ridden once or twice a year for the past ten years.  Remember, it’s not the years, it’s the miles.  My everyday ride is the mountain bike.

With Laura and the kids in tow, we headed north through the city, and with the awful traffic only averaged around 4 miles an hour for the first hour. Once we got the coast it opened up a bit and I had more fun. You see, here’s my butt. That’s pretty much the view my lovely family enjoyed for four days.

Now, some of my cycling compatriots might chastise me for not shaving my legs, having a spiffy carbon fiber frame, fancy clothes, and an uber-light wheelset. In my defense, I present the following:

  1. Shaving is a lot of pain for no gain.
  2. What father of four has 3 grand to drop on a bike?  I like the old bike.  I can fix whatever I need to.
  3. Fancy clothes?  I just wanted to be seen by cars and not die.  Functional clothes are more to my liking.
  4. Well, yeah, I have wheelset envy.  *Chuckle*  Some of the new wheelsets are awesome.  I’m saving my money.

Let me digress for a moment here.  Before the trip, I knew I was going to have to get a new rear cassette.  The existing cassette was a hold-over from my racing days, mostly flat riding and the largest sprocket only had 21 teeth, way too few if I should ever encounter any hills.   I went on Ebay and found a nice old 7-speed Shimano Hyperglide cassette and called it a day.  Once the thing came in the mail, I went to take the wheel off and realized my old one was a Uniglide cassette.  D’oh.  That’s bike talk for incompatible.   I hadn’t taken my rear cassette off in a couple of years, and I had forgotten it wasn’t Hyperglide.  Sigh, senior moment?   Now, granted, I should I have worked all this out well before the trip, but I put it off, and now I was leaving the next day, and all I had was this leg breaking gearing that was just not going to do.  My solution:  Grab an 8-speed Hyperglide cassette off an old mountain bike wheelset, and shim it with a loose cog.  Nice.  It worked, and my legs were saved if not shaved.

Day one took me along the north coast heading west.  I had a gorgeous view of crashing waves and beautiful beaches for much of the trip from San Juan to Barceloneta.  I made it 43 miles that first day, before I kind of ran out of gas and sunlight far short of my original goal of 75 miles.  Seeing as how I had not ridden farther than 30 miles in a day for over 10 years, I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on myself.

That night, we found a little pizza joint called “Jimmy’s Pizza.”  How fortuitous.  Pizza wasn’t all that special, but we had fun and Jaimito and I told the uninterested staff we were Jimmys.

Here we are pictured in “I roll with the O’Malley crew” shirts graciously provided by my cousin Genevieve DeBose.  It’s like I had my very own team.

Stay tuned for part two.  Hopefully it won’t take as long as this one.

NASA is Having More Trouble Than I Thought

I brushed my teeth and turned to get into bed, but was impeded by various space-faring vehicles: an X-Wing, Rocket, and some little people.

“Oh look at the little space port that someone built in our bed. Isn’t that cute?”

“They are so cute, with their little spaceships,” Laura agreed.

“I hadn’t realized that the NASA budget cuts would take affect so quickly. Seems they’ve gotten pretty desperate if they’re using our bed as a launch location.”

*ROFL*

Javier Ties His Shoes

“Hey, Javier, can you get Asier’s shoes for me?” We were heading out to the hardware store to replace our butane tanks. Need some fire for grillin’. I asked Javier, if he could put on Asier’s shoes for me.

“Yes, Daddy, I can do it.” And he scooted off looking for Asier’s shoes. I watched him unstrap the velcro on the little red, blue, and yellow Superman shoes and carefully place them on Asier’s little twinkly toes.

“Good job, Javier. That’s great. I didn’t know you could put Asier’s shoes on.” Javier smiled. “Okay, let’s go get in the car.” I looked down and noticed that Javier’s shoes were a mess. The laces were dragging in a tangle. “Javier, do you need me to tie your shoes?”

“Uh, huh.”

“Hey Javier, we need to practice tying your shoes, so you can tie them yourself.”

“I already tied them, Daddy,” he declared.

“Oh really?”

“Uh, huh. I tied them myself.”

Now it was becoming clear. They were in a tangle because he had attempted to tie the laces himself, looping and pulling and twirling this way and that until they held together.

“I like your style, Javier. You’re a can-do boy.”

“Thanks, Daddy.” He understood from my tone it was a compliment, but didn’t quite grasp why his failed attempt at tying his shoes would warrant praise.

“I just like that you just tried to do it yourself. I liked that you didn’t let anything stop you. You didn’t know how to tie your shoes, but you tried anyway. That’s cool,” I said.

I looked back at almost five year old Javier sitting in his booster seat, his shoulders straight, his head held high.

2009 in Retrospect

I got to know my compost pile.   I collected the paper, vegetable refuse, grass cuttings, and piled them up in a chicken wire silo in the back yard.  It smelled sweet as it decomposed, and I watched the little bugs and the lizards that scampered across it.  I watched the millipedes churning away in the compost’s belly excreting black gold.

Occasionally, a hearty squash seed would start to sprout and I would hesitate as I turned it under with my pitchfork.  He was trying so hard, I would muse.  As the soil became fertile, the neighboring tree’s roots reached up and suckled at its base.  The yellow flowers were bigger, brighter, more numerous this year. For those involved in food storage or processing, ensuring optimal conditions can be crucial, and finding reliable cold room installers UK can make a significant difference. Similarly, just as attention to detail can enhance the efficiency of a kitchen, careful consideration of restaurant interior design can significantly impact a dining experience.

I planted some tomatoes, too.  I placed the seeds in egg cartons and when they were “estrong enough” (Princess Bride, anyone?), moved them to beds mixed with compost soil.  The tomatoes grew big and round, fragrant and luscious.  Before too long, though, they began to whither.  One by one, in a period of a three or four weeks, half of the tomatoes were dead dry sticks.  I soon discovered my enemy – snails.  I poured salt on one and watched him bubble and froth until he was just a puddle.  I decided to never do that again, and the snails would have my remaining tomatoes – every last one.  I will try again this next year.

As well you may know, I’ve been experimenting with coffee cherries; from fruit to roast.  It has been fun to see how much work goes into a simple cup of joe.  It’s mind boggling how complex the whole process is.  There are infinite opportunities for failure throughout, and you never know how a cup will turn out.  How late did the cherries mature? Did they ferment too long? Did they dry too slow? How was the roast? Too hot? Too short? Too long? Not long enough? Was the brew water temperature too hot, not hot enough? How long did it steep? My goodness, and to top it off, it seems that the the particulars of the bean, our little diva bean, require all those variables to be adequate to her liking.

Also, with the proper cold room installation can ensure that coffee cherries and beans are kept at optimal temperatures, preserving their quality and flavor. For businesses looking for effective cold storage solutions, exploring the benefits of a freezer room can be invaluable, click here for more information. The cup of coffee is always good, I’ve found, but always different.  It’s frustrating and wonderful. If you’re looking to explore a variety of coffee experiences without worrying about the intricacies of the brewing process, consider trying a coffee subscription service. Alternatively, for those who want expertly crafted cocktails without the hassle, mixologist hire can ensure every drink is perfectly tailored to your taste.

Coffee Cherry Tea

I sun dried these coffee cherries after pitting them.  The cherry eaten raw is sweet and fibrous.  After tasting the raw fruit I was convinced that it would make a decent cherry pie, which you will see in the next post.  The farmers told me I was crazy and urged me to make tea from at least some of them.  I was happy to oblige.

I decided I did not want to toast the dried cherries, and instead made a green tea from them.

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Delicious.  Although there were no overpowering flavors, it made a delightful breakfast tea, said Laura.  And it definitely had caffeine. We were buzzing on it afterward.  Beware.

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