Parenting is like war, in fact it’s so much like war, I learned everything I needed to learn from Gen George S. Patton. Here are my tips for raising successful well adjusted children (which mine are, thank you very much).

  1. "Never fight a battle when nothing is gained by winning." and "Failure to adhere to verbal promises will destroy your credibility." This means if you issue a decree or threat of punishment or reward carry through with it. If a child misbehaves, take action and stick to it. If you promise a reward, make it happen. You’re tired? Tough. The opposite is also true. Don’t make empty threats or empty promises. If a battle is not worth fighting, don’t fight it, and don’t rattle your saber. Children will figure out when you are tired, your supply lines thin, and your morale low, and then it’s nothing but work work work. When Daddy or Mommy say something, the kids had better well know you mean it.

    "Child, if you do not put your clothes away, you will not go to Grandma’s house."

    What will you do if the child does not put his/her clothes away? Are you actually suggesting that you will in fact not go to dinner at your mother’s or mother-in-law’s house? Just don’t fight this battle. Don’t make a threat when you have no intention of ruining the entire family’s night out over it. I see parents make this mistake all the time. First couple of times the kid dutifully picks up, but he quickly figures out he can leave his clothes on the floor and still go out with the family.

    Now what do you do? You’ve got to escalate the battle. Sounds like work to me. No, the best war is the war not fought. Just ask GWB.

    Make it easy on yourself and the kid. "Child, you have a choice. You can pick up your clothes now or when we get home. Which shall it be?" No threat, no reward. Just the way things are.

  2. "You must be able to do everything your soldiers do, and you must do it better than any of them." Be more capable than they are. Be that person they need you to be. If you are a soldier leading others into battle, you must be more physically fit, smarter, better trained, with more discipline, and more drive. If you are a leader of soldiers, you must be the BEST solder. Same thing with your kids. If you expect them to be honest, trustworthy, faithful people, YOU must be the best of those things. You must exceed the standard. If they can’t look up to you, to whom can they look?

    I don’t know where we’ve gotten this from as a collective society that we can just live our lives for ourselves and ignore others, as if somehow we all live in our own little personal bubbles. You MUST always think of the other. If I let myself be unfaithful to my wife, I’m not just doing something that makes ME feel good (and after all if it feels good, how can it be wrong?). I’m destroying the notion that ANYONE can be faithful, that love has even a shred of value. If you are not honest, how can you expect your children to be so? If you decry the state of society for its selfishness, smallness, and lack of civility while you grab and scrape and hoard for yourself, who do you think your children will become? And don’t just emulate this great parent; be this great parent.

    From personal experience, it’s a lot more fun to be this parent too.

  3. "Do not fear failure." And "Go forward." This means you must move on. Don’t let your children dwell too long on their failures. If they need a time out, give it to them, and move on. What lesson did they learn? Use that lesson to further develop them. I would say this also works well by your own example. Admit your own failures. Ask for forgiveness when you screw up, show that you know how to pick yourself up and do better. If they see you don’t fear failure, they won’t either. Fear of failure is the big bogey man and needs to have his ass kicked and kicked hard.

    Jack Welch likes to say, "Hit ’em then hug ’em." Of course the "hit" is rhetorical. If you need to punish, do so, but then give ’em a big hug, let them know that their failure isn’t something to be afraid of. It’s an opportunity for improvement.

  4. "The more senior the officer, the more time he has to go to the front." As a parent, it’s your duty to engage your children. You must share with them the reality of things. Get up in their faces. Get in their business. Engage. Once you have abstracted yourself from your children and hide behind a desk far far away, you’ve lost the campaign, my friend. Spending time with them on the front lines, will show them that you care about them. With that closeness comes an esprit de corps that will enable your family squad to take on any challenge.

    This is especially important once kids grow into teens and the "cool" factor starts to invade. Parents invariably become "uncool." Fear not the uncool. Embrace it and get in there. Your kids will appreciate your presence in the end. As a captain in the Army, I used to hang with my troops. I’m sure I put a crimp in their style, but you know what, I knew what problems they had, what they were into, and was able to deal with it. They respected me because they knew I really cared about them. I’m not perfect, but my kids know that I care about them, and am willing to get in the foxhole and be shot at with them.

  5. "Every leader must have that authority to match his responsibility." Your children are leaders. Give them an authority commensurate to their responsibility. Guide them, don’t micromanage them. Set them free, but don’t abandon them either. Let them do the things for themselves that they should and can do. Do for them that which they cannot.

    Delegate choices to them. Which pair of shoes do you like better, this one, or this one? What would you like to eat for lunch, a sandwich or roasted chicken? If they are not accustomed to having authority to make choices, how do you expect them to make the right ones in a difficult moment under fire?

There you have it folks. Bet you didn’t think Patton had any good advice for parents, did you? Lest you think that any method inspired by Patton must be cold, hard, and cruel, I add this: We have never raised our hands to our children. We have never used any form of corporal punishment and have a strict policy against it. We have been consistent, firm, and present and the rest has taken care of itself.