It was reported today in a small Midwestern town that a glass of milk was found to be half empty.
"There was so little milk," said 12 year old Timmy after immersing his chocolate
chip cookie only halfway. "You see, it’s all good on this side,
but this other. It’s mighty dry, I’d say."
News crews and emergency workers were dispatched to the area to investigate.
"I’ve never seen anything like it. Half empty? Why when I was young, it was half full. What is this world coming to?"
Cows
are denying production problems, but sources close to the industry,
have noted cows always deny any problems exist. A spokescow, had
this, "I can’t speak for Timmy, but we have not had any issues with
production. I can’t speak for the glass in question either, but
perhaps the glass size has increased. We’ve noticed that the
glassware syndicate has been slowly increasing size for years. I
mean, you can’t blame cows for an increase in glass size. Can
you?"
There you have it; is a trade war brewing between cows and glassware manufacturers?
A
researcher with the local university, confirming part of this story,
had this, "We’ve been studying the relationship between volumetric
content and receptacle utilization for some time. Our studies
have shown great promise, but Federal grants in this field have left us
underfunded and overburdened, I’m afraid, just as we were to make some
sense of this tragedy. Let me just say this: there is
something going on, and someone doesn’t want us to find the truth. Think about it. George Bush’s father, owns stock in a company that supplies butane gas to run warehouse equipment. This very same equipment is sometimes used to cart around boxes of glassware… even loading them on trucks to be brought right to your door. They’re hiding something, I know it."
Can we trust our government?
Is there a conflict of interest? Why are they cutting funding in this important area that affects the
public health and our children? What about the children?
These are all profound questions, questions that this reporter
will investigate until the truth is revealed. We will work around
the clock to get to the bottom of this.
Why is the glass half empty?